So I'm doing today's entry earlier - I need to start doing this first thing in the morning, a la "Artist's Way", but this is a start. That 1 am stuff is not okay for this 41 year old man.
I have to tell you that I was raised by women, grew up with a very effeminate perspective on life, was the creative thezbian boy who got beat up by the jocks in Burbank, and cried at the drop of a dime. This persona works well with the ladies, and therefore my closest friends, up until 4-5 years ago, were always women. In fact, I ran from dudes, because they were cold, insensitive rocks of useless mass; women were soft, gentle, complex and creative... That's how it used to be.
Today my closest friends are men. Through sobriety, I have learned to open up and trust men, and have allowed myself to be vulnerable with them, while being emotionally-present for their needs.
One of the greatest things about this is the fact that I am heterosexual. The fact is, when I'm consoling with a lady, whether I choose to acknowledge it or am even aware, there's other stuff going on there... I don't feel the need to expound on that.
The other reason that having man-friends is that we have a much similar life experience. The fact is that, especially here in the bay area, the men I am close to are articulate, smart, funny, creative, sensitive and very inspirational. The ladies have these qualities too, but they also have breasts and vaginas, which will always be a distraction.
Men in AA have taught me a whole new way of trusting, opening up, receiving criticism, and most importantly, learning to actually BE a man. What that means to me is that I keep my word, I follow through, I am accountable for my actions, and I do everything I can to try and live in God's image. Men in my life have guided and held me when I felt and acted broken, and they've celebrated my fortunes. And it's because I've let them. And THAT's because I'm actively involved in my own recovery.
Word!
No comments:
Post a Comment