So I'm 14 1/2 years into this thing, and I've had the good fortune to sponsor quite a few men. I can honestly say that being a sponsor has not only been a privilege... It's kept me sober.
The way I sponsor today is nothing like it used to be. Because I myself have had something like 13 sponsors, I have a vast amount of experience on different ways to work the steps. And that doesn't include the 5 1/2 years of sobriety I had prior to this sobriety. All told, I've probably been sponsored by 20 men.
How I work steps with dudes has generally been consistent: out of the Big Book. In the past, there have been handouts - sometimes Joe & Charlie stuff, even some Hazelden-like anecdotes. I used to talk a lot of trash about the latter, and even the former... I've gone through long phases of self-righteousness, manifested from my own guilt, imperfection and far-too-frequent bouts of holier-than-thouness. These days, I keep things pretty simple.
What I really want to share with you is the absolute joy, occasional heartbreak, and frequent disappointment that comes with the honor we call being a sponsor. I have literally watched men pick up the pieces of their lives, get educations and careers, re-gain or even discover trust, love and warmth amongst family and friends. I have also watched lies and manipulation turn bad situations into unimaginable horror. The most-frequent observation, however, has been that of sadness... Sad that he won't give himself a chance, sad that he's not ready to really have those defects removed because he won't scribe those things on his 4th step that are killing him, sad that he wants to try it again on his own.
As someone who has relapsed a number of times, I know firsthand that it truly takes what it takes...
Today, I sponsor three amazing men. It is a joy and honor to consciously be a part of their lives; I am at a place where I can try to give unconditional love, can actively listen with intention, and, for the most part, share only my experience, that of friends and my own sponsor, and frequently go the The Book. As with many aspects of my life, this has mostly not been the case. I am full of pride, ego, and low self-esteem, and my life has been plagued with dishonesty and one-upmanship, opportunities to show how awesome I think I really am.
I do still think I'm a pretty decent guy. Today, however, I have a living relationship with a loving God, and I am able to carry that Presence into my time with sponsees and hopefully other AA's, unless they really piss me off and I have to punish them. Wait, did I just say that?
It is by pure grace that today, I am able to be the kind of sponsor that I'd want to have. It is of an even deeper level of grace that I get to try and help other men recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.
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